perfectly imperfect.

"Nonsense"

2010-11-07T18:24:00.000-08:00

A drink is just a liquid until it’s in your mouth

North is just a noun until it’s relative to South

A bracelet is just a chain ‘til you put it on your wrist

A punch is just a slap until you form a fist

Rain is just water until it’s falling from the sky

A shoelace is just a string until you learn to tie

Shampoo is just gloop ‘til you put it on your head

A casket is just a box until someone is dead

Words are just letters until you arrange ‘em in a row

A stage is just a space until there’s a show

A poem is just some nonsense hidden beneath rhyme

The end is just a point you can’t help but reach in time

2010-10-05T20:35:00.000-07:00

I just read a book called Hector and the Search for Happiness. (It was great. Read it.)

Hector traveled around the world trying to find out what makes people happy. And he made a list.

I think we all have a list of what makes us happy whether it's written down or not. For example, my friends make me happy. Especially when I know I get to see them soon.

Roommate Reunion 2010 (Part Deux): Can't come soon enough!

2010-04-22T22:34:00.000-07:00

Contentment is a fruity cocktail.

2010-04-22T21:58:00.000-07:00

If I could spend all my time wearing a tiny hat and drinking out of a plastic man with Jocelyn, I would be happy.

P.S.A. to the Males of the World

2010-04-22T21:24:00.000-07:00

On behalf of females everywhere, I bring you the following tip.

When a girl asks you what you want, you should say "you". And when she asks you what else you want, you should say "you" again. In the voice used in the clip above. Possibly throw in a southern accent.

We'll swoon.

P.S.A.P.S. If you're not watching Friday Night Lights, you're missing out. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

(Yes, I broke my three and a half month silence to tell you this. It's very important.)

He's Into Her

2010-01-06T17:25:00.000-08:00

Nick Cannon Claims, “Mariah and I Are a Romantic Comedy”

http://www.people.com/people/videos/0,,20334344,00

America’s favorite actor/rapper/cougarlover Nick Cannon has finally answered what so many of us were dying to know. “If your relationship with Mariah Carey were classified as a film genre, which would it be?”

Nick claimed in a recent interview with People magazine that his marriage to Mariah is, in fact, a romantic comedy filled with kerosene, cards, and letters. (Someone tell him paper is flammable!) He also claims that Mariah is “the most famous woman in the world” but, alas, that’s another blog, another day.

I was thinking their relationship was more like a parody or maybe even science fiction but after further examination, I became convinced.

Similarities between Nick and Mariah’s relationship and the box office hit He’s Just Not That Into You (that’s a romantic comedy, right?):

Ill-Fitting Clothing- I spent most of the film wondering why Scarlett Johansson was wearing cotton t-shirts tucked into baggy cropped jeans. When considering Mariah’s wardrobe choices, I also spend most of my time wondering why. Am I the only person who thinks seeing Mariah’s cleavage for the first ten years of her career was enough?

Lip-Biting- Often seen in pictures with a sexy lower lip bite pose, it’s safe to say Nick used this technique in wooing Mariah. Scarlett Johansson is also a fan of biting her lower lip and the sultry starlet employs this acting skill quite a few times throughout the film.

Laughter- Nick says his relationship with Mariah is filled with silliness and laughter. Ben Affleck laughs multiple times in He’s Just Not That Into You. In both cases, very few people are laughing with them.

If you, too, had doubts regarding the accuracy of Nick’s genre classification you can now rest assured. Their life is a romantic comedy. Watch for the release of The Most Famous Woman In The World and That Kid From Drumline coming to a theater near you.

News From The Grave

2009-12-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

BONITA SPRINGS, Fla. --December 10, 2009-- I'm alive. In other news, I have forgotten how to live.

We've all heard the phrase 'a watched pot never boils'. But that's just not accurate. Unless your stove isn't working, eventually that water will boil, you will add noodles, and have a meal in 12 minutes. The same is not true for a blank paper or, in this case, an unwritten blog post. I have been sitting here staring at this create post page and waiting for some, any, inspiration. Yet, despite my long, focused stare, this post has still not written itself.

Trust me, I have been wanting to update my blog for a while and I have sat down to do it many times before deciding to watch TV or paint my toenails instead, as these things require considerably less thought. Some call my behavior writer's block. I call it sad.

What is to blame for this 3 month wall I have hit? My "real person" job. Ever since I got one a few months ago, my brain has been like oatmeal.

When I get home from work everyday, I literally stop functioning like a normal human. I've been known to put on pajamas at 6:30 pm and do unthinkable things such as refuse any dessert which requires me trekking to the kitchen to consume.

I murmur incomprehensible stories about my work day through out dinner before retreating to my bedroom to mindlessly watch my favorite shows. Upon hearing that Vampire Diaries would be off air until January, I moped around the house for at least two hours in search of any alternative Thursday night activity before ultimately settling on sleeping. (For the completely uninformed: Vampire Diaries is a ridiculously awesome show which combines my three favorite things--teen angst, forbidden love, and supernatural creatures.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for slacking on my blog and I'm sorry for being a bore. Don't blame me. Blame my real person job which has sucked the life out of me much as Damon of Vampire Diaries (seriously, watch it) sucks the very breath, heart, and soul out of his victims. On that note, please pass my resume on to anyone that is hiring. Thanks.

###

Press Contact:

Carly Hallam is a desperate writer/public relations and marketing coordinator. She reluctantly resides in Bonita Springs, Florida and cannot be contacted as she has recently lost all social skills. Carly can be found at her real person job Monday through Friday or drinking wine with Megan and Katie on Wednesdays. Please do not judge her or her unshaved legs. She doesn't get out much.

Just why, why would you do that?

2009-08-30T07:33:00.000-07:00

FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT-

I'm sure even Craig himself could not have imagined what would become of the "list" he put together a few years ago. Sure, Craigslist can be useful, like when you're selling a bed and you want someone to buy it in the next three hours. But Craigslist can also be abused. My mom, connoisseur of all things internet, loves perusing Craigslist for weird ads. Once, she found a man looking for someone to accompany him in his time machine, and for the record, he could not guarantee your safe return. Recently, she found this post about a pair of missing sandals. I thought it was worth sharing. Oh, Craigslist. Oh, Fort Myers Beach.

Stolen Sandals on the Beach

Date: 2009-08-17, 4:04AM

Went for a walk on the beach tonight around 1:30ish am, left my sandals at the walk right before all the sand, came back to find them missing!!! Who the frick is going around the beach at 2am stealing sandals! I would really like to have them back! I would like to know who is walking around in my shoes right now, black bottom, brown leather strap, reef brand name on them... Just why, why would you do that, I had to go home fricken bare foot! I wear those darn sandals every day!

Location: Fort Myers Beach

More than one person has actually responded to this ad, my favorite being a response which begins "Regarding the stolen sandals". The following is quoted from the closing lines of that ad.

We are in the process of bringing these dastardly sneak thieves to justice as I'm writing this informational posting.

Your friend in need, during the sandal crisis in America.

J. Edgar Hoover

Location: FBI

remember.

2009-06-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

"And Hansel said to Gretel, 'Let us drop these breadcrumbs so that together we find our way home, because losing our way would be the most cruel of things.' Losing your way on a journey is unfortunate, but losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel. And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely. Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be -- the person you wanted to be -- the person you are."

I once watched an episode of One Tree Hill where a character said this and I found it so enlightened that I wrote the quote down.

No matter where you go in life and what you do, you should always leave a trail to your past- a reminder of where you've come from and if need be, a way to get back.

live. laugh. love.

2009-06-06T19:34:00.000-07:00

It would have been ridiculous to believe that the four of us could still be living, laughing, and loving together a year later. You know what they say- you can't have your cake and eat it, too. In college, we ate our cake. And now, we can't have it.

But we have our fond memories.

And if memory serves me correctly, it was a really, really good cake.

It's the thought that counts?

2009-04-17T17:05:00.000-07:00

I was going to live simply & give away all my money to the poor, she said, until I figured out I'd be poor so the simple thing was just to keep it. I like it when things make sense like that, she added.- Brian Andreas, StoryPeople

wisdom.

2009-04-17T10:12:00.000-07:00

"If you think you can do a thing, or think you can't do a thing, you're right." -Henry Ford

family time.

2009-04-15T17:40:00.000-07:00

I'm very close to my family and living so far away has been hard, particularly on holidays and special events when everyone is together besides me. This Easter, however, was virtually perfect.

My family Skyped me right before the meal started and I even had a place at the table to call my own. I enjoyed a lot of classic dinner conversation via a simple video phone call. I unfortunately couldn't taste the food they seemed to be thoroughly enjoying and I had to settle on coffee and a piece of toast. (My kitchen will never be my mom's kitchen. My cooking is not my mom's cooking.)

They even scratched off my lottery ticket for me and it was almost like I was home for the holiday!

For the whole hour or so I spent "at dinner" with my family, I felt as though we were in an advertisement. The scenario would have made a perfect spot for Skype or the always tear-jerking Publix ads. In reality, this wasn't a commercial or a Hallmark movie, it was a moment in my life. And, just like my version of Mom's cooking, it was perfectly imperfect but nonetheless enjoyable all the way through.

Because Dad said so.

2009-04-09T09:27:00.000-07:00

I always take advice from my Dad to heart. Why? Because, one, I think he has my best interest in mind. And, two, I think with life, he got it right. So here's the advice my Dad recently gave me on the prospect of returning to school. Everyone should take this advice to heart.

The key to a happy life, besides marrying the right person, is doing what you love.

My Dad with me and his right person.

Nice tweets!

2009-04-04T19:16:00.000-07:00

I feel as though I've been betraying my blog. In the past, when a funny thought popped into my head I would write it here, for all of you to see. But now I write in on Twitter, for all of them to see. First of all, I really like being a part of the next cool thing-especially if celebs are in on it. And secondly, when I think a clever thought, it's usually about 3 sentences long. If I write it in a post, I look lazy. But if I write it on Twitter, well then, I look trendy.

Political Views?

2009-03-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

The studio lot I work on was on lock down today for a very special guest appearance on the Tonight Show. The PRESIDENT was being interviewed and it caused all sorts craziness at NBC. No one was allowed to come or go, the cars had to be unlocked, and there were police and secret service everywhere. It was pretty exciting! We got to watch Obama's unedited interview which feeds onto our televisions and then my whole office ran out just in time to see him in the flesh! Mr. President waved at us as he rode away in his motorcade. It was pretty awesome!

This past Sunday Jocelyn and I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger (the governor of California) while shopping in Santa Monica. This means I saw the governor and the president in the same week. I just feel so politically in tune with my country. I'm hoping to run into Hillary Clinton next time I go to the pants suit store.

dorks.

2009-01-27T19:33:00.000-08:00

Jocelyn and I started a book and movie club this past week. We all read a book that has been, or is about to be, made into a movie, then we go see the movie together and talk about the differences, etc. It's incredibly dorky, but not as dorky as the other club that evolved during our first book club meeting.

It's called The Society to Promote Intellectualism and it's founded on the principle that just because you are out of college does not mean you have to be done learning and growing intellectually. We give ourselves assignments and report back to each other as you would a class. This week we each have to write a piece of literature- a poem, short story, a song using the word 'indefinite' as inspiration.

I am so excited to have an assignment! I've been saying recently that I really just wish someone would tell me to write an essay and now my wish has come true! I never realized how much I took my lifetime of learning for granted and I definitely don't think I know all I want to know at this time. I'm looking forward to being challenged and enlightened with other members of SPI. We are also bringing a current event to discuss each meeting. This will be especially beneficial for me, because if it's not The Alligator, it's a newspaper I don't read.

In the car today I was thinking how nerdy this club sounds but how funny it is that it's made up of five pretty, 20-something females. In the same way that druggies or musicians or runners tend to find each other and build strong bonds, we, the hot dorks, are sticking together!

Girth, Wind, and Fire

2009-01-27T19:24:00.001-08:00

On Saturday night the ten week run of my sketch show began! I'm in a comedy group that writes and performs our own sketches in a theater in Hollywood.

I warned Jocelyn before she came that she may see a side of me she never has before. Raunchy Carly has come out to play. Something about being out of college, in Hollywood, surrounded by comedians has inspired me to write sexually explicit material. Which is bad. And then, of course, I perform it. Which is worse. I'm trying to get a tape of it to send my parents. This both excites and terrifies me. I'm still the same Carly, Mom and Dad, I just have a raunchy side that comes out on Saturday nights!

I loooove performing with Girth, Wind, and Fire. And apparently our audiences agree, we've received nothing but rave reviews. It's great!

After opening night a few of us went to dinner at a Thai restaurant called Toi. My cookie held the following fortune: 'You have a sense of the dramatic and a tendency towards display.'

No kidding!

tickled pink.

2009-01-07T09:11:00.001-08:00

This picture makes me happy beyond words.

Kylie Marie Gorski is HOME (yay!) and sleeping

with the bunny my mom and I gave her.

all smiles.

2008-12-27T06:22:00.000-08:00

A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.

home.

2008-12-26T07:28:00.000-08:00

It's a funny thing about coming home.

Smells the same. Looks the same. Feels the same.

You realize what's changed is you...

-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

family time.

2008-12-22T20:10:00.000-08:00

I was going to lay by the pool a few days ago and I put on a scarf so no sunshine could touch my newly dyed hair. I walked past my brother and he said, "You look like an art student. Are you going to do def jam poetry?" I defended my scarf while laughing and made my way into the next room. My sister was in there and she said, "What is that on your head? You look like an old lady." (I actually censored that one a bit.) I told her to back off as I've just been harassed by our brother moments before. I gathered my things and went to tell my dad bye and he said, "You look like some sort of peasant. What are you wearing?" So apparently I looked like an old, bleep, peasant woman who decided she wanted an art degree and a little stage time.

Mind you, all of them were in different rooms and had not heard the others' comparisons. They each just felt the need to make a smart ass comment for their own enjoyment.

This reminded me of the part in Anchorman when everyone in the office throws out their version of what Paul Rudd's cologne smells like. If only my other brother would have told me my scarf looked like a used diaper filled with Indian food, the scenario would have been nearly identical.

happy holidays!

2008-12-22T20:05:00.000-08:00

SANTA! OH MY GOD!

SANTA'S COMING!

I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!

a bright idea.

2008-12-22T19:51:00.000-08:00

I saw a commercial for The Clapper the other day and it now has an exciting new feature- a switch! So if you don't want to clap on and clap off your clapper, you can get up and flip a switch on the wall. This makes The Clapper, well, pretty much exactly the same as every other light switch.

meh.

2008-12-09T13:16:00.001-08:00

Get excited all my apathetic friends! The day has finally come!

Due to the overwhelming number of things in life that we English speaking people find boring, a new word has been accepted into our language for times when the phrase, "I don't care" is just too wordy.

According to the Collins Dictionary, meh is now officially a substitute. Defined as an expression of indifference or boredom, meh just about sums up its' users feelings toward correct English. Below I have provided an example of the word's use.

"Do you want to try and preserve our language even though we are all too lazy to speak it properly these days?"

"Meh."

"Yeah, me neither."

environmentally conscious 5 year olds.

2008-12-06T23:06:00.000-08:00

While baby sitting on Friday the five year old I was watching scolded me for not turning off the light in her room. I said, "Well, we were only leaving for a second..." Looking down on me (figuratively) she replied, "You always turn my light off. It saves energy." And that was that. A preschooler taught me a lesson.

Today, I was driving behind a huge Escalade with a license plate that read POLLUTN and all I could think was that if Calli were there (and if she could read), she would be very disappointed.

Zuma Dog for mayor!

2008-12-02T20:04:00.001-08:00

The most entertaining thing I could find on television at 8 pm on a Tuesday was the Los Angeles City Council Meeting. The meeting is televised and open to public comment which is pretty much... amazing.

The type of people that feel the need to speak to the public at a city council meeting are completely insane. First, a man who called himself "Zuma Dog" and wore a black leather jacket, baseball cap, and sunglasses (yes, sunglasses!) to address the council, announced he was running for mayor. I can't even begin to describe his reasons I just recall that he kept saying, "Zuma Dog for mayor!"

Next, a 57 year old gay man suffering from aids read a poem. That's right, he used his allotted 2 minutes in front of the council to read a poem. Following this, a man complained about being pulled over for not making a complete stop on his bike: "On my bike!" At this point I was hooked. And I'm glad I didn't change the channel because I would have missed the only normal woman there who shocked me by saying, "Yes, I smoke weed. And I don't look like I do." I'm not sure what her point was but it was great.

The next speaker, whose point I also missed, actually said, "Someone needs to get their thumb out of their butt and get it done," before storming away. "Zuma Dog" returned to speak about another council item after changing his black baseball cap to a black beanie, but keeping the sunglasses, of course. He accused the council of being on a "high horse" and thinking they are "above the people". I'm sure his change of hat and respect towards the council really made a positive impact.

What was great was that the public sitting behind the person at the podium could be seen on camera as well and they were constantly making fun of each other. But the best part of the whole broadcast was the faces made by the president of the council, who was shown after each speaker. After the aids poem he was clearly stifling laughter, after the woman who smokes weed complemented his goatee he was clearly flattered, and after "Zuma Dog" insulted him he was clearly annoyed.

The president's faces, the crazy speakers who couldn't be censored, and the complete unproductiveness of the whole meeting really made for good television. Truly, I watched the entire thing. Next time you're bored, consider watching a Los Angeles city council meeting, the characters are better than any you'll find on prime time TV.

TATERTOT IS COMING TO TOWN!

2008-11-25T23:27:00.000-08:00

My sister Taylor is coming to visit tomorrow and I am sooo excited! I haven't seen her since early July. We are going to have a blast!

Yay for Tay!

My New BFF

2008-11-25T22:54:00.000-08:00

There is something oddly intriguing about a group of girls competing to be Paris Hilton's best friend. If you're thinking, 'what the heck is she talking about, that's not even mildly interesting' then clearly you haven't spent much time watching her MTV show. The show is literally a competition to become "best friends forever" with Paris Hilton and I, too, was very hesitant until I accidentally watched two episodes back to back.

My thought process went something like this. First I thought: this show is creepy and superficial and catty. Then I thought: who is she going to chose? The stalker girl or the rocker girl? I have to wait a whole week to find out? That's crap!

One girl is actually in love with Paris. She stares at her and compliments her constantly and it's very Mark Wahlberg in Fear. I'm waiting for her to start beating her chest. The other girl is probably going to use Paris' publicity and fame to become a musician and she pretty much said that on air with Ryan Seacrest. So does Paris want to be friends with an obsessed fan or a blatant user? I can't believe I even care but honestly the show is weirdly entertaining.

The best part of all of this I have saved for the end...Paris eliminates contestants while sitting on a throne atop The Beverly Hilton (no lie) and she says, "TTYN." For any of you not up on your instant message lingo that means, 'Talk to you never'. That is so ridiculous it's intriguing, right? I'm going to watch next week's finale to see who wins. LOL. No really, I'm going to watch it.

Hi Cutie

2008-11-19T22:41:00.000-08:00

My grandmother sent me an amazing email entitled 'Hi Cutie' in response to one I sent just catching up on life. This picture of a breathing puppy was randomly attached. Following is the better part of her email...

"Have you met anyone, male-type who you're interested in? Alas, my friend went back to dating his old flame...took him awhile to tell me...then wondered why I didn't see his point of view!!! A real ass!!! Your Mom said Tay was coming out for T'giving...you'll have a blast!!! Do not let that wild child drink!!! Not even ONE cosmo!!! Love to Jos...and much love to you darling.

Always, Meema"

Note: I did not alter her email. It was really this funny. How hilarious is my grandma?

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

2008-11-12T17:11:00.000-08:00

The goals we pursue are always veiled. A girl who longs for marriage longs for something she knows nothing about. The boy who hankers for fame has no idea what fame is. The thing that gives our every movement meaning is always totally unknown to us.

- Milan Kundera

I Love Raymond

2008-11-09T10:32:00.000-08:00

Top Three Quotes from my last week working for Ray Romano...

3. "When do you wear pants?" (A comment to the producer who was wearing shorts in 50 degree weather.)

2. "So...a black man is president but I can't marry him." (A comment made the day after the election.)

1. "I like Carly, she knows how to play along with a joke." (A comment about me. Yay!)

I'm a Mac, I'm a PC

2008-10-28T17:32:00.000-07:00

Has anyone else noticed how much the Obama vs. McCain situation is similar to the Mac vs. PC situation?

Some people stick with PCs solely because these people are stubborn or afraid of change. Some actually prefer PCs to Macs. Other types of people use Macs solely because they seem cool and hip. And some people use Macs because they actually fit with their lifestyles and provide some program a PC cannot. Some people can't even begin to figure out their friends' Macs, while others get rid of their Macs to go back to the PC they feel comfortable with.

The best comparison I can think of: everyone in California prefers a Mac. Don't even try to get people here to use a PC or say anything nice about a PC. They will laugh at you and then go back to campaigning for change.

2008-10-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

2008-10-21T20:56:00.000-07:00

It'd be easy to see eye to eye if you'd come down off your high horse. -Robin Thicke

oh, i know.

2008-10-20T13:51:00.000-07:00

The other day on the radio I heard a public service announcement that ended Wash your hands. You don't know where they've been. Really? I'm pretty certain I know where my hands have been. Do other people not know? Other than the time I spend unconscious, I am very aware of whereabouts of my hands. And even then, I could almost guarantee that while I'm sleeping, they are resting on or underneath my pillow. And I can definitely guarantee that they are still attached to my arms which are usually attached to me. Therefore, I just can't imagine what kind of trouble my hands could possibly be getting into that I'm unaware of. I can't speak for everyone but personally, I wash my hands because I know where they've been, not because I don't.

just like everybody else.

2008-10-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

It's weird how unimportant you become when you move to a big city. Growing up in a relatively small town in Florida, it's pretty easy to seem elite. In elementary school I was special because I skipped a grade and I was on the school news and I was in the gifted program. In middle school I was voted 'Most Likely To Succeed in Life' because I was the smart girl that everyone cheated off of. My teacher even made a speech about me saying I would probably become the first female president. In high school I was involved in everything imaginable and I was always at the top of my class.

Then I moved to Gainesville where I was surrounded by people like myself, a lot of whom were actually smarter than I was. But somehow I continued to stand out. I was still at the top of my class. I was the girl who writes the column on Fridays. And I did improv and acted in student films and sketch comedy shows. It was harder to seem elite among so many other important people, but it certainly wasn't impossible.

Now I'm in Los Angeles and I am just another girl that moved out here to be an actress. Some days it's unimaginably exciting to live in a place with so much opportunity but other days it's exhausting and discouraging. Sometimes it seems like the opportunities are only available to those that really don't need them in the first place. So and so is so and so's sister, daughter, or niece and it's so and so that succeeds in this town. If you tell someone out here you are an aspiring actress they either say, "I could have guessed that," or they say," Of course you are..." or they simply say "Surprise, surprise." I've gotten all of these reactions which is why for the past month and a half I've just been saying I'm a production assistant for a pilot because it's 1. true and 2. less painfully obvious. But starting today I am no longer a production assistant and I'm not yet a working actress.

So what does that make me? Because I don't want to be just a pretty face in a town full of beautiful people.

My guy Tom.

2008-09-30T10:39:00.000-07:00

I am an ad for GPS. I moved to one of the largest cities in the country. I have no sense of direction. And I took a job as a Post-production Assistant which could alternately be called Driver. I drive to pick up lunch, I drive to businesses to drop off important documents, and I drive all over Los Angeles county to deliver cuts of the pilot that's being made.

I am paid to know my way around town- sometimes very, very late at night. And I often have absolutely no idea where I'm going. One house I frequently visit is in the Hollywood Hills. The streets up to this home resemble one of those mazes on the back of a cereal box. You know, the ones where you're constantly reaching dead ends.

I'm getting a weekly paycheck for all of this driving but the one who deserves the credit is Tom. I plug my TomTom navigational device in almost every time I get in my car and his soothing British accent gets me where I need to go.

What would I do with out TomTom? I'd probably be stuck at the corner of Dead End and Nowhere trying to understand the directions I printed offline. I owe my job, safety, and sanity to TomTom GPS.

Available at your local Radio Shack.

Young, Broke, and Difficult

2008-09-25T10:06:00.001-07:00

The other day I walked in to my boss' office and he said, "What do you need now? More time off?" I tried to look extremely offended but it was hard not to smile because I was there to ask him if I could leave early for acting class. He complained saying the only reason I ever go in this office is to tell him I need something. I wanted to argue but it's true.

This reminded me so much of every conversation I've had with my dad in the five years I've lived away from home. "Hi honey. Is rent due?" Apparently the only time I ever call him is when I need him to put cash in my account. It's not that I don't want to talk to my dad on a more regular basis, it's just that pretty much every time I do call to talk I remember that I need money by the end of our chat.

I'm not proud of this but I've just realized something important about myself- I'm needy.

I'm Lovin' It

2008-09-25T09:40:00.000-07:00

This morning at 8:45 am I was in the McDonald's drive-thru getting iced coffee when the car in front of me ordered an ice cream cone. At 8:45 am this man desired ice cream. That astonished me. Ordering dessert in the early morning? Eew. What an unhealthy decision. I paid for my creamy, sweet, "coffee" beverage and drove away complimenting myself on the sound choice I'd just made.

We don't always have to have all the answers.

2008-09-24T17:44:00.000-07:00

The real world?

2008-09-24T17:18:00.000-07:00

My job is VERY challenging. I pretty much just have to get lunch for Ray and his minions. Yep, it's a tough life I lead. But some days, like this past Monday, I don't have to do hardly anything. Instead, I went out to lunch (where we took this picture) and my boss paid for it. Then I drove to a few houses and dropped off some DVDs. Yesterday I watched Bones then went to the grocery store. Today, I watched Swingers.

Who said I couldn't handle the real world? Oh wait, that was me.

It Sucks To Be Me

2008-09-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

What do you do with a B.A. in English,

What is my life going to be?

Four years of college and plenty of knowledge,

Have earned me this useless degree.

I can't pay the bills yet,

'Cause I have no skills yet,

The world is a big scary place.

But somehow I can't shake,

The feeling I might make,

A difference,

To the human race.

-Avenue Q the Musical

Lesson from a Starbucks...

2008-09-19T18:20:00.000-07:00

When you are meeting this man from Saving Grace to have coffee and discuss acting, you will not be able to just have coffee and discuss acting. Even if you go in to it thinking 'he's too old for me to be distracted by his obviously gorge face and steely blue eyes'. You will most likely change your mind within the first few minutes of your Starbucks' rendezvous.

Lesson of the day: 36 is not too old.

My New Job

2008-09-19T17:50:00.000-07:00

So I randomly started working for Ray Romano two days ago. (These are the types of things that happen when you live in Los Angeles.) I am the production assistant for a pilot Ray wrote and starred in. My two cousins are editing it and that's how this job fell in to my lap.

The show has already been filmed and is now in post-production, this involves editing and adding music and voice-overs to what's already shot. What this means is that Ray Romano's voice comes from all directions in the office. Live Ray Romano is in one room, and recorded Ray Romano is in two other rooms, all day long. Now I'm hearing his voice in my sleep. Just kidding, that would be a little creepy.

For the next four weeks I will be running copies of the pilot around town to the director and producers. Late tonight I have to drive the latest version to 10 different houses! On one hand, the job is silly and way too easy to keep me busy. One of my main responsibilities is to print out menus, take orders, and pick up lunch for the crew. Bleh. On the other hand, it's a television show being made in Hollywood and I'm given daily opportunities to get overexcited about random entertainment business stuff. For example, I work on the lot where Heroes is filmed and I park by a row of spots that say 'Heroes Cast Parking'. Umm, hello? Do I like this job? Yes! Peter Petrelli parks here. About five steps from my office is street built to look just like Ireland, where I'm guessing Peter will return this season. Dexter is also filmed here. So maybe he'll try to kill me or something. That would be exhilarating, right?

Life here is sooo random. But I'm starting to realize that random may be my style.

the good. the bad. the ugly.

2008-08-16T17:21:00.000-07:00

I was in Malibu last weekend visiting a friend who lives on the beach. We went to some of his neighbors' houses and met a lot of interesting people. That afternoon I received some very noteworthy advice on the entertainment business that I think applies to many aspects of life. I was also amused by how much his three pieces of advice resembled the improvisation game 'The good, the bad, and the ugly'.

The Good Advice:

Never, ever, ever take anything personally. If you do, you're a victim and a victim cannot also be a winner. Everyone is just pretending to know what they're talking about, no one knows anymore than the rest. It's just their opinion. And no one's opinion matters more than your own.

The Bad Advice:

Don't date. At all. It'll just screw with your opportunity at success.

The Ugly Advice (this one I made a little less ugly for my blog):

Show your [body] in a film any time you get the chance. Nudity makes for an instant classic.

Lessons from a sandbox...

2008-08-16T17:16:00.000-07:00

The other day I was playing with the two year old I babysit and in a hurry to grab a dirty popsicle out of his hand I tripped and landed face first in the sand.

Lesson of the day: You are never too old to fall down at the playground.

Walk the walk.

2008-08-09T17:09:00.000-07:00

I've been sick as a dog for a few days now. And I've had a lot of time lay around and think. So I was thinking, why do people say sick as a dog? Dogs get sick, sure, but so do other animals, and so do humans.

Normally phrases like these have some ancient meaning that we don't even know and most Americans go on using them not realizing the original thought behind their cliched words.

I'm going to throw my two cents in and say that maybe we shouldn't turn a blind eye and use a phrase without knowing where it come from. Even if you've had a lot of experience with the English language, most of us could stand to eat some humble pie and learn a few things.

Come one, people. Go the whole nine yards and look back at the drawing board. Wouldn't you rather know before speaking? If you want to bury your head in the sand then call a spade a spade and get on with it. If not, don't go around sounding like fancy pants unless you can wear the trousers.

But who am I to try to teach Grandma to suck eggs? I mean, it's just phraseology, right? Until someone asks the meaning of what you've just said. Then ignorance probably isn't bliss anymore. I'd say that when the shit hits the fan a rose by any other name just doesn't smell as sweet.

2008-08-08T16:58:00.001-07:00

Things are exactly the way they seem.

2008-08-03T15:10:00.000-07:00

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

-Mae West

It's simple really.

2008-07-31T16:20:00.000-07:00

I love frozen yogurt. I hate regular yogurt.

Star Wars is brilliant. Star Trek is silly.

Animals in a zoo are adorable. Animals in a home are annoying.

Self-confidence is admirable. Arrogance is obnoxious.

Tennis is really fun. Golf is really boring.

I'm obsessed with So You Think You Can Dance. I can't get into Dancing With The Stars.

My favorite city is Florence. My least favorite city is Rome.

Unsweet Tea is delicious. Sweet Tea is disgusting.

I don't want to be too hard to figure out. I refuse to be simple.

No, how are you?

2008-07-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

In a big city people find it difficult to be nice to one another. People also find it hard to smile at one another. It has something to do with the fact that you most likely will never see this stranger again and if you do, they won't remember you anyway.

There are so many strangers in Los Angeles that if you treat one in a rude manner, chances are they won't notice. And if they happen to notice, they won't care. And if for some crazy reason they do care, they won't remember it the next day.

In a small town it's like, 'Oh, hey that guy over there totally cut me off last week!' Or 'isn't that the woman who didn't hold the door open for grandma yesterday?'

Things aren't exactly like that here. And it's for this very reason that I try to be extra nice to the strangers around me. I just asked the man at the coffee shop how he was doing after he asked me how I was. He looked at me like I had just made a request to borrow a few thousand dollars, then he awkwardly smiled and said, "Um, I'm, well, I'm fine. Thanks." So I said, "Good!" and then I ordered my drink while he and the woman standing behind me stared in amusement. After that the cashier complimented me on the signature on the back of my debit card. So, perhaps my pleasantry did not go unnoticed.

To me, this interaction was not at all unordinary. I always return pleasantries even if it means I end up telling the theater ticket ripper to enjoy his movie, too.

Maybe, just maybe, one of the strangers I kindly interact with go on to treat another stranger with the same respect. But, probably not. It's more likely that they'll simply mumble "out-of-towner" under their breath as I walk away, big smile on my face.

california dreamin'

2008-07-27T13:33:00.000-07:00

She decided to start living the life she'd imagined.

Thoughts on the library...

2008-07-27T13:15:00.000-07:00

The library is always there for you, no matter how long it's been since your last visit. It doesn't ask you where you've been. It doesn't say, "I saw you at Target the other day, in the book section." It doesn't expect anything from you but a timely return of the things you borrow.

The library doesn't up its' prices.It doesn't judge you based on the choices you make. It doesn't ask questions. It doesn't have any hidden motives. Years later you can dig up an old library card, walk right in, grab a book, and leave. Easy as that. In a world full of complications, lies, and busy bodies, the library is just there. Simply, honestly, waiting for you.

choose joy.

2008-07-27T13:11:00.001-07:00

"We're fairly dramatic people. And we're prone to very big feelings. So, when those very big feelings sometimes aren't the most positive thing, we just look at each other and say, 'Choose joy'".

-Anne Hathaway

worth it.

2008-07-27T13:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just have to say it aloud for it to be true.

Schmooze is my new favorite word!

2008-07-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

Schmooze: To converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection.

Not only is is fun to say, it's fun to do. And when you are an aspiring actress/writer in Hollywood, it's what you're supposed to do. I went to a party last Saturday and I conversed casually in the hopes of making an advantageous social connection.

Everyone schmoozes out here. Schmoozing is very acceptable. In fact, it's so common you pretty much accept that the prospect of a good connection is the sole reason almost any stranger is talking to you. That and maybe your low cut shirt. Or your "nice skin", as I was complicated on over the weekend.

Every person you meet has circles of friends that have circles of friends and somewhere within those never ending lines could be your big opportunity.

I am working on mastering the art of the schmooze. Schmoozing with the right people in the right way, a way that implies interest without unintentionally flirting, is a skill I hope to make in the near future.

Maybe some day I can be the one on the helpful side of the schmooze, giving advice and dropping important names, instead of the starving actress on the needy side taking advice and eavesdropping on important names.

Twilight Saga

2008-06-22T18:39:00.000-07:00

I am reading a series of books right now about a girl who falls in love with a vampire. This book is having a major impact on my life. I recently decided that I, too would like to fall in love with a vampire. I just can't imagine any love more enthralling than forbidden love.

I don't just want my hubby to have the desire to kiss me. I would also like him to occasionally feel a strong desire to drink my blood, bite my neck, etc. I think that would make things very interesting. Interesting and exciting!

Reading Harry Potter made me wish there was truly a world full of wizards with appealing accents and that perhaps one day, I could join them-broomstick in hand.

But I've long since moved on from that silly notion. Magic isn't real. But maybe just maybe vampires are. And if so, I think I'll try to find one to fall in love with.

The ultimate bad boy (one capable, and tempted, to kill you). We all know us girls love the bad boys.

Hmm...Acting or Advertising?

2008-06-12T08:52:00.000-07:00

You know how people say that the universe has a weird way of working itself out? Well that makes me wonder if sometimes we should trust the universe to know better than we do.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. This belief makes it hard to ignore certain opportunities or events in my life. I turned down Teach For America without too much regret and now I've been accepted in to the graduate program I applied for at VCU.

Is the universe trying to tell me something? Is God sitting up there laughing at me for ignoring his obvious attempts to keep me from heading to Los Angeles?

I lied awake last night trying to picture myself going back to school to study creative advertising (the area of advertising that I was attracted to in the first place, but not taught at UF). I pictured a happy me graduating from VCU in two years and, as an advertising professional once said of VCU alum, "getting a job without blinking". It's not that hard to imagine. I mean, it is kind of difficult to imagine anyone getting a job in advertising without blinking but I guess that's the reward for busting your butt an extra two years at a prestigious ad school. Then my thoughts drifted back to L.A. The much more exciting but also more mysterious and unknown city that may or may not hold a future for me. In my dreams I truly can see myself as a working actress. But the idea is so intangible that it seems like only a complete idiot would turn down yet another amazing opportunity for something so utterly surreal.

Am I a complete idiot? Is everyone going to say "I knew she be headed back to school in a few years" or "I can't believe her Dad let her waste all that money" when I eventually fail? For the record, I am certainly not planning on failing. I have a lot of faith in myself and I think I have what it takes to make it. But I'm not an optimist to the point of being naive. I know failure is a part of life and I realize there is a very real chance I could fail.

Does that mean I shouldn't try? Does the prospect of failing mean I should take the easy way out? Getting a job in Hollywood will require a lot more persistence, patience, and relentless faith. But to be honest, I don't want my life to be easy. If I am successful I want it to be because I tried. Because I really gave it my all.

My life so far hasn't been much work and I think I may need a little failure to build character (and to give me something juicy to write about). A career in advertising also comes with rejection and hardships, which may be why I chose such a tough major in the first place. So the question is acting or advertising? Hmm...

All I know for sure is that something inside me is longing for a challenge. A challenge that I don't want to overcome in the blink of an eye.

I Can See Clearly Now

2008-06-06T08:43:00.000-07:00

Once a close friend of yours gets married you have to start analyzing every relationship you have in terms of marriage. Any guy you date is classified as 'forever' or 'not forever' material, even if aren't planning on hitching any time soon.

It's just a change in your mindset thanks to a change in your close friend's life. But just because your mindset changes it doesn't mean your actions will. Just because you're dating a 'not forever' doesn't mean you'll stop.

You're not looking to get married, you're just clarifying that the one you're currently with may or may not be 'the one'.

Plus, you wouldn't want to complicate your unmarried friends' love lives getting married yourself.

Boom! Adulthood!

2008-06-06T08:35:00.000-07:00

Apparently as soon as you get married you become an insta-adult.

You no longer split checks, grocery costs, etc with your unmarried friends. You buy them a milkshake because they are unmarried (not adults) and you recently tied the knot (crossed over into adulthood). We unmarrieds really appreciate kinds gestures from insta-adults but we don't think it's necessary.

Oh well. I guess it's just the way things work and we can't argue about it because you should never argue with your elders.

3 Wants and a Need

2008-06-06T08:30:00.000-07:00

I want a city full of people dressed in colorful scarves. A shady street in walking distance to a coffee shop where they keep a doggie bowl of water out front. I want a job that's not 9-5, not Monday through Friday, but not easy. I need life to challenge me and challenge everything I think I already know.

Eventually you have to say goodbye

2008-05-23T13:22:00.000-07:00

I'm not afraid of a change in my surroundings, just of a change in the people that surround me.

If we were a palace, we'd be the TAJ MAHAL

If we were a dance, the TANGO

If we were a spice, the CAYENNE PEPPER

3 days until graduation...

2008-05-01T04:00:00.000-07:00

She said she usually cried at least once a day not because she was sad.

But because the world was so beautiful and life was so short.

Woah! Dream Big!

2008-04-30T20:35:00.000-07:00

If it's possible to make the best and dumbest decision of your life simultaneously, that is what I have done.

Today I took my last exam as a college student and Sunday I will graduate with a degree I don't plan on using. Instead of working towards a career in advertising, I have decided to follow my dreams. Ha. Just the sound of it makes me want to laugh in my own face. And if there was a way to make fun of myself behind my own back, I would do that, too. I think it's absurd and far-fetched and childish and also, it's the only future I am excited to imagine.

I like watching peoples' reactions when you say you are going to "be an actress". Immediately their eyes scan your face to see if you are joking. And then they say the standard, "Well, you have to follow your dreams otherwise you'll look back and think what-if".

And I completely agree. But this is one of those pieces of advice that you easily give but never take yourself. Kind of like, "You need to stop talking to your ex, you're only hurting yourself." or "Don't be nervous, it's just a short speech." or "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Everyone tells me that they think it's great I am actually pursuing my dreams and then they turn around and thank God they have more realistic dreams than I do.

All of us graduates are off to pursue a dream-life we've been conjuring in our heads for the past 17 years of school. But is it really a dream if it's that attainable? The answer is no. Dreams are supposed to be ridiculous. In a dream you're riding a flying toilet through the clouds or being chased by a witch in a department store. And as ridiculous as it sounds when you recount it to your friends the next day, in your subconscious mind it seems perfectly normal to wrestle a beached alligator that can stand on its back legs for some reason. You never once doubt yourself or your reality while you are in the dream and you wait until after the fact to laugh about why you ever thought that was realistic in the first place.

So let's consider this the stage of my dream where I am completely enthralled by it all; never once doubting my own thoughts and reality. I may have to eventually pinch myself to wake from this dumb dream but until then I am going to continue pursuing my ridiculously wonderful ambition!

Boys will be imaginary boys...

2008-04-28T08:55:00.001-07:00

Question: Why are the boys we want to be reading our minds only reading our texts and the ones we could care less about seem to know everything that's going on in our heads?

Question: Why are the boys we'd rather not be conversing with trying as hard as possible to keep any semblance of a conversation going while the ones we want to be conversing with will find any reason they can to hang up, walk away, or change the subject?

Question: Why are the boys we can't stand to be around the only ones that ever seem to be around while the ones we can't get enough of are the ones that always seem to be the farthest away?

Question: What makes these special guys special? If they were around all the time reading our minds and carrying on hour long conversations would they not be so special anymore?

The Real Question: Are we attracted to boyfriend ghosts? The beautiful, fleeting idea of a boyfriend but not the actual thing?

Well, what do you think?

2008-04-27T15:40:00.000-07:00

I've never been in a position before where I have complete power and say over my future. That sounds really weird to say because it's my life and I should always have control over it. But in reality, that's really not the way it works.

As a child, you unknowingly hand over all control to your parents and even if they are nice enough to ask what you want, your opinions about everything have already been instilled in your head straight out of theirs. And even if they are thoughtful enough to ask you what you want, "What kind of ice cream would you like?"

Your reply is always somehow decided by them anyway, "Cookies and Cream! It's been my favorite since the day you first bought it for me."

All I'm saying is that if my mom had been a fan of Moose Tracks, my taste buds probably would have developed a passion for that flavor instead.

As a teen you're certain that you are finally going to make your own decisions and you actually fool yourself into thinking that's what you're doing. But, you're not.

"Where do you want to go to college?"

"University of Florida! It's where my dad went to school."

For clarification, I love UF but it is the only place I even considered because I was kind of born a Gator, if you know what I mean.

But now that I'm a quasi-adult (that's a person who is out of school but doesn't yet have a job or reason to move out of her house in her college town and can't wear Hollister or Abercrombie anymore but can't seem to take herself seriously in Anne Taylor or J.Crew either) I actually have the final say in every aspect of my life. And it is so strange.

I can do Teach for America in Phoenix if I want. I can move to Los Angeles and work in television if I want. I can go to grad school in Virginia and study advertising if they let me in (okay, maybe not absolute final say, but if they want me, it's all mine to accept or turn down).

Finally I am free to make my own decisions but I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing so because I've never really had to before. Damn! Where's my mom?

Food for thought...

2008-04-26T16:00:00.000-07:00

"Why are terms of endearment always foods? Honey, cookie, sugar, pumpkin. It's not like caring about someone is enough to actually sustain you." -My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult

Green Grass

2008-04-25T15:34:00.000-07:00

You know what saying I really hate? "You always want what you don't have." Or in its more imagery filled form, "The grass is always greener on the other side." You know why I hate it? Because it is so completely true.

And not just for curly-haired girls who want it straight or brunettes who wish they were blonde. It's true about so many aspects of our lives. When you're in school all you want is to be out and once you've graduated, you can't stop thinking about the good ole days. When you like a guy all you want is for them to like you back and when they show too much interest, it pushes you away.

And the opposite of it is true as well. When you have something, you usually don't want it or at least don't appreciate the fact you have it. I guess it all boils down to us humans never being fulfilled. Never having enough of the right thing to make us happy. And it's probably good in a way. Because it keeps us wishing and dreaming and striving for more.

What would we have to look forward to if what we have is enough?

My last ever Alligator column

2008-04-25T13:03:00.000-07:00

I’ve got new priorities. I’m holding onto old ways of life. The science of love is phony. The illness of Senioritis is real. I think men should be more respected by advertisers. I think women should be more respected in general. I like lifestyles changes to be small but significant. I like Moe’s portions to be small but filling. I’m saying “bring it on” to the future and “back off” to Facebook. I don’t like Gainesville all the time but the sadness of leaving makes me break into rhyme.

I was reading back through past columns to decide what I could focus on my final week, and nothing seemed important enough to be my last ever topic. Nothing seemed to summarize everything I wanted to say. I wanted to be able to go out with an exciting bang. I wanted to say I actually got a job. Nope. Or that I know where I’m moving in a few months. Nope. Or that I’m getting married, joining the Peace Corps, and filing an invasion of privacy lawsuit against Facebook. Absolutely not, couldn’t do it, and, that would be awesome but, no. Since I couldn’t wow you with my plans I was having trouble thinking of an equally appropriate and interesting closing topic. Until I noticed that there is a central theme that has surfaced in almost everything I wrote: realization and discovery.
By putting my thoughts into words, I’ve realized a lot about growing up, finding freedom, and accepting change. And if you think about it you’ll see we make a lot of important discoveries about our lives while in college.

Freshman year I discovered it is possible, though not always pleasurable, to live away from my mom. I realized I could eat pasta 5 nights a week without getting sick of it. I learned bunk beds aren’t as exciting as I believed they were as a child. And I could never live in a brothel because among other obvious reasons, there is such a thing as too many girls living in one place.

Sophomore year I concluded that college can be a lot of fun, especially if you live in an apartment complex with 11 friends. At this time I also realized that changing your major could be a sort of hobby if you let it. And on that note, I discovered that hobbies from your childhood, like dance, are not necessarily as fulfilling in college. But if you’re looking for a new hobby and your dad is willing to pay for it, traveling is a good option.

My junior year I realized love can hurt if you’re not too careful. While interning, I decided that living in a town full of strangers is not as lonely as it sounds. And at this time, it was also brought to my attention that celebrities often don’t look as good up close. Except Orlando Bloom. He looks good from any distance.

My senior year I’ve had the most significant revelations of all. I now know that I’m lucky to have close friends who are always available for an entertaining conversation, a good cry, or even just lunch. I understand that even if you’re smart it doesn’t mean you will pass Business Finance. And even if you go to Tutoring Zone, it still doesn’t mean you will pass Business Finance. I realize that laughter is not only the best medicine, but also the best way to bring different people together, and it can actually be a sort of aphrodisiac. Finally, I feel like I’ve somewhat come to know myself. I want to be a writer. And I want what I write to make other people laugh.

So while I was hoping to go out with an exciting bang, I’ll have to settle for going out with a simple “woo hoo!”

Just because it’s time to move on doesn’t mean life will offer you a clear path to the future. But complaining doesn’t make things better. And worrying doesn’t make things happen. So I’m going to focus on the positive.

My career plans are just as uncertain as the day I started school here. But my life is not. I’ve realized what’s important to me and I challenge everyone else to do the same.

The end of one thing is the beginning of another. The end of this semester gives us all the opportunity to realize more about ourselves and to discover more about our futures. And there’s nothing more exciting than that. Woo hoo!